Conquering fear

On a floating platform in the middle of the ocean, far from the Fijian islands, I learned something about myself. As I walked up the three steps and stood on the ledge of the second story, about to jump in, my fear melted away.

This was the first time I was about to jump into deep water. I’ve never been a good swimmer and I’ve always been afraid of the deep. My wife was on my right, recording the moment while simultaneously screaming, and the crowd of 8 people on the rooftop started yelling too.

I just told there. Not frozen, but thankful for the moment. I looked to the horizon and saw the water breaking against the reef. The water in front of me looked deceivingly shallow because I could see the bottom so clearly.

Something was different. I wasn’t afraid.

My gratitude at being in such a perfect place overcame my fear of drowning.

I jumped.

My left hand out above my ahead, my right hand covering my nose.

The freedom of free fall was amazing, but it went by in an instant. I plunged, deep into the water. A lot deeper than I thought I would. In the video recording I heard my wife say “please come back up” because I had been in the water for so long. I think I relaxed. I took my time coming back up. I didn’t feel like I had to rush. I was happy in the water, for the first time.

Like a very slow torpedo, I broke through the surface, wiped my face with one hand, opened my eyes and heard everyone cheering before I saw them. I looked up at my wife and yelled “STILL ALIVE” as I turned my hands into fists. Elated, I made my way back to the back of the platform and climbed up the stairs.

I didn’t want to go back to the roof and talk to everyone. I wanted to celebrate the moment, on my own. So I went to the bar, got a drink and stood at a high table looking over the water drinking by myself for a few minutes. I tried to really feel what I was feeling.

There was a weird grin on my face, I realised. Writing this 3 days later, the grin is still there. I know this is a memory that I will visit time and time again.

I overpowered my fear with gratitude. Gratitude of being in such an incredible place on earth. Having a wife. Having a life worth remembering. Gratitude for the friends I’ve had. Gratitude for the soft breeze encouraging me as I stood on the edge of the platform, looking out into the ocean.

There was no space left for fear.