All These Years We’ve Been Setting Our Goals Wrong. Here’s What We’ve Been Missing

If you’re one of the 99% that don’t stick to your goals, this is for you. I’m one of those people too.

So I’ve been looking far and wide, reading every newsletter, finding every blog, scrolling every YouTube video — and yesterday — I found what I was looking for.

But before we get into this, make sure you’ve done some reflecting on 2023.  

Let’s continue.

A few years ago when I worked in banking I remember having a conversation with a director:

I asked him, “how do I get promoted, bro?”

(Okay I didn’t call him bro).

And he said, “you need to be capable of doing the job at the higher level before you get the title. That’s how it works. You don’t get promoted and THEN learn how to do your manager’s job. You need to be already doing it.”

He was right. That’s what I did in corporate and that’s how I climbed through the ranks over the years.

But I forgot the lesson, until yesterday. I was driving back after completing the Bondi to Coogee walk, listening to an Ali Abdaal podcast on Spotify.

The guy with the other microphone, Nathan Barry mentioned something profound;

His simple statement pulled me out of my trance, and I pulled over. I took notes. And here’s what I’ve got so far.

Goal #1 for next year:

I want a six pack. My goal is to get below 12% body fat and keep it at that level for at least 6 months.

Who do I have to become to do this?

1. I need to learn how to cook healthy food.

2. I need to become less social, and say no to nights out with friends. Not eat cake at birthdays. Not eat home cooked family food.

3. I need to become the guy who trains abs more than twice a week.

Am I willing to be that guy?

No. I can do point three, but I don’t want to do points 1 and 2. For me, it’s not worth it.

Goal #1 doesn’t make it through the gate.

This is fun. Let’s do another one.

Goal #2: 

Finish writing my book by the end of next year.

Who do I have to become to do this?

1. I need to be an avid researcher and reader. To know what works, and what doesn’t. What resonates and what doesn’t.

2. I need to have a concrete habit of writing everyday. No breaks, no days off.

3. I must learn how to create a good cover and title that catches attention. That means I need to learn how to copyright and design.

Am I willing to become that person?

Fuck yes. Sounds like fun to me.

I’ve invested plenty of time already into all three points and I’m not planning on stopping.

Now it’s your turn.

If you’re reading this on your phone, open your notes app and complete these questions.

If you’re on your computer — you know what to do.

Don’t keep reading until you get through these questions.

What’s Goal #1?

[[your answer]]

Who do you have to become to achieve it?

[[your answer]]

Nice work. 

Now take a break for a sec, because there’s more.

In his podcast Ali also shares an awesome question. I’ve heard this from Derek Sivers too.

“What would you do if you knew you were going to fail?”

Take the points you wrote down to share what kind of person you want to be, and tell me — would you still work on this goal knowing you would fail?

To me, this question is the secret sauce. The jelly in the jelly donut. The cheese in the cheesecake. The profanity in Samuel L. Jackson.

Without asking this question, you’re setting yourself up for a perfect world scenario.

But the world isn’t perfect. Whatever you want to do there will be obstacles. There are going to be challenges.

But if you LOVE the transformation more than the result, you’ll do fine.

This question takes your focus away from the result. The process becomes the goal.

For me, Goal #2 still applies . I love learning those skills so I’m not stopping.

Does your goal still apply?

If not, find something else. The journey and skills you learn along the way is the fun part. You can’t skip to the end. There are no shortcuts to success.

That’s it for today.

A repeat of the questions:

What’s your goal for next year?

Who do you have to become to achieve it?

Would you still work on this even if you knew you would fail?

Don’t take your future lightly. Spend some time on these questions.

Harry

P.S. Your friends/colleagues might like this too. Share it. Bring them up with you.